No Longer Angry at the Old Vets

 

Growing up in the 1950s veterans were part of my landscape. My father, four uncles and one aunt served during World War II. Almost everyone I knew had a father who served during that war or Korea. As a child, I was in awe of these veterans and often wondered how any of them survived what I imagined was a constant hail of bullets. Despite their ubiquity, the veterans themselves did not make a big deal of it. After all, just about everyone served so any one person’s service was nothing more than what everyone else did. Oh sure, a few heroes stood out but they usually dismissed their actions as something any other service member would have done had they been in the same situation. As a body the veterans of the 20^th century wars represented a high standard of dedication and patriotism

That changed for me during the Vietnam war. By the late 60s patriotism seemed to demand that I fight in a war that looked increasingly dubious. There was no actual threat to the United States; the Viet Cong and North Vietnamese Army were not attacking my country but rather fighting in an obscure corner of Southeast Asia. As the war escalated, more questions arose about both the morality and practicality of the war. The politicians’ and generals’ assurances were often at odds with the facts on the ground and I, like many of my generation, called for an end to the war.

But the veterans I admired as a child and, particularly their veterans organizations, branded our objections as unpatriotic and cowardly. I came to resent them, old men demanding that we serve simply because they had done so. They saw Vietnam through their own lens which brooked no question to the government’s decision to fight a war. The old vets were still numerous and their their collective voice carried great weight. Even though I disagreed entirely with their view, my objection was insufficient to overcome the the sense of duty that I owed my country. When my student deferments ran out and war was still on, I went to Vietnam.

During my year in-country, the Pentagon Papers were published and documented the many misjudgments, lies, and obfuscations about America’s war in Vietnam. When I returned I was angry about the entire experience and the people who sent me there, among them the old veterans. I had no interest in joining any veterans organization. I couldn’t imagine that I would have anything in common with those guys.

My anger slowly dissipated over the next decade and allowed me to realize that I did in fact have something in common with the old veterans. The realization became particularly clear when I found a collection of Edward Steichen WW2 photographs. Steichen was an established fashion and fine art photographer in his 60s when the war broke out. He had served in the Army as a colonel during WW1 but was refused enlistment because of his age. The Navy invited him to serve as director of the Naval Aviation Photographic Unit and his work, along with a coterie of photographers he recruited, documented the carrier war in the Pacific. Those photographs showed a lot of very young men whose young faces looked a lot like us in Vietnam.

Those faces spoke to me in a very different way than my previous characterization of the old veterans. Whatever our differences about Vietnam, I recognized a common experience that overrides those differences. Instead of advocates for a dubious war, I saw men who were little different from me, just doing what the country asked of them. Seeing those faces reminded me that despite our different experiences we were very much the same.

That realization defused my anger toward the old veterans. We may still differ in our assessment of the American war in Vietnam but I believe that they came to their opinions honestly from their experiences in war. They were “fortunate” (if that word is ever appropriate to describe serving in war) enough to serve in a war that had genuine meaning whereas my generation faced a war that was conceived in ignorance and continued under lies. If you have any doubts about that difference, consider the consequences America suffered by its defeat in Vietnam (little to none except for the service members and their families) to the potential consequences of defeat by the Axis forces.

These days I know a great deal more about war and its consequences for those who serve than I knew in my youth. The veterans I first saw as childhood heroes and later as blind advocates for an unnecessary war are now simply comrades.

Veterans Day Backstory

Answering a Question

The first man I killed was small and
hidden in the tall grass.

Being a killer forever changes you.
Even if you learn to be kind and considerate and civilized
that part of you is always there
hiding down inside
awaiting a chance.

A normal person doses not wan to kill and
will avoid it at all costs.
The military won't allow you to remain normal.
It doesn't matter if you think
you are smart enough
not to get caught up in theri lies.
They will change you.

Don't be sucked into the biggest myth and lie
that killing and dying for your counry is somehow heroic.

Really be all that you can be.

--from Grave Lines by Larry Kershner.

Remembrance Sunday

Britain remembered its war dead today with wreath layings at The Cenotaph in London.  Today's ceremony, Remembrance Sunday, comes three days before the anniversary of the November 1918 Armistice that ended the war.  his is the first I've heard of Remembrance Sunday which means either I am uninformed about British ceremonial customs (very possible) or this is a one-time event since it comes during the first year of the World War I centennial.

Be that as it may, today's wreath-laying, combined with the poppy display at the Tower of London is a fitting remembrance of the almost 900,000 British and Colonial troops who died in The Great War.  Compared to the art and presence of the of the display and British flare for ceremony, American Veterans Day ceremonies will seem kind of pale.  Maybe when the country begins noticing the WWI centennial in the years marking our own entry into the war in 1917 we will do something to match today's event in Britain but all of the eVeterans Day events I am aware of seem pretty routine (along with much of the nation noting the day's significance in passing, if at all).

November 11 has less meaning for me as Veterans Day than it does as Remembrance Day and Armistice Day, its original name.  I don't gainsay veterans recognition for their service and sacrifice, a debt we can should never forget.  But recognizing veterans is only part of the story.  We must also remember how ill-advised were the causes for which they have served.  Maybe World War II was The Good War but it would have never happened but for the vindictive Versailles Treaty ending World War I which itself was certainly pointless.
The many wars and interventions since 1945 reflect a flawed and paranoid American view of the world that buggers our national values and squanders our wealth and our blood. 

That's why we should remember more than our veterans.

At The Cenotaph

I saw the Prince of Darkness, with his Staff,
Standing bare-headed by the Cenotaph:
Unostentatious and respectful, there
He stood, and offered up the following prayer.
'Make them forget, O Lord, what this Memorial
Means; their discredited ideas revive;
Breed new belief that War is purgatorial
Proof of the pride and power of being alive;
Men's biologic urge to readjust
The Map of Europe, Lord of Hosts, increase;
Lift up their hearts in large destructive lust;
And crown their heads with blind vindictive Peace.'
The Prince of Darkness to the Cenotaph
Bowed. As he walked away I heard him laugh.

--Siegfried Sassoon

What Rory Fanning Said

Not long ago I wrote a post about how little the rote phrase "thank you for your service" means to me as a veteran.  Today I read Rory Fanning's post on the same topic at TomDispatch.  Mr. Fanning takes the idea much father than I did and I could not agree more.

No Thank You for My Service

Our local military base held a Welcome Home ceremony for Vietnam veterans the other day.  I did not attend.  No doubt the ceremony was meaningful for those who went but for not for me.  When I came home from Vietnam I wanted done with the military.  I did not want a parade or a ceremony.  I still don't.

That's why I am uncomfortable being honored as a veteran.  I didn't do much of anything except survive and not commit war crimes or otherwise fuck up.   No great service to my country there (well, not committing war crimes seems like some level of service).  I did risk my life at my country's order but I did so unwillingly, grudgingly, and with great anger.  The experience certainly opened my eyes but in the end, it did my country no good.

When people say, "Thank you for your service" I want to say what service?  Participating in an illegal war?  Lacking the courage to resist?  Carrying arms in a foreign country against an adversary who was no threat to mine?  Not something I care to be reminded of by others.  I don't forget.

As I scroll through memories of Vietnam I end up with the realization that the only real service I have given to my country has been to speak out against war as a veteran.  So maybe the best response  is to accept thanks as long as the offeror knows that my service is continuing one in support of peace after serving for a lie. 

One of the disturbing aspects of the "thank you for your service" and "welcome home" for Vietnam vets is that these gestures somehow make the lies, deceptions, and mis-judgments of that (or our current) war go away.  That by recognizing and honoring veterans' service Vietnam becomes a noble cause instead of the clusterfuck that it was.  I don't begrudge my fellow veterans recognition for their courage and sacrifices in Vietnam nor would I deny them a welcome home but all the parades and thanks don't change the fundamental fact that the war was a colossal blunder. 

For that same reason I am skeptical of the official 50th anniversary commemoration of the Vietnam war. I suspect that it will be more in the nature of the noble cause commemoration and will ignore the lessons of the war.  Americans would do well to look beyond the official narrative to get the rest of the story.

VA Lies and Helpful Agents

This morning I called the VA 800-827-1000 number to check on the status of client clalims.  Since this is the same number individual veterans call for that same purpose, the menu options don't work for me as an accredited advocate so I always kept punching zero until the system finally handed me over to a live person.  Today I tried the "if you are calling from a rotary phone, please hold" option.  After a short period of silence the the touch tone phone menu came up.

Bait and switch, if I ever saw one.

The upshot of the call was that I punched zero until I got an announcement that all representatives were busy and that I should visit the e-benefits page or call to schedule a call back time.  Used to be that they would put callers in a cue for a call back in the order in which we called--usually within the hour.  No more.  Scheduling a call back sound good like a good option.  The one time I tried that the system scheduled the call back almost a week later on a work day when I could not take the call.

Trying the 800 number came after calling a separate information number available for veterans service officers and advocates.  The wait time on that line was 20 minutes.  The hold "music" is pretty godawful--series of notes repeated over and over.  I thought the other line would allow me to wait out the hold without hearing the music.

When that turned out to be a dead end I called the advocates' number again and got a representative with no wait.  We spent almost an hour reviewing the status of five veterans.  He was very helpful and provided information on five veterans.

And I didn't have to listen to that godawful hold music.

My 2 Cents on the VA

In the late 70's the Richmond Mercury ran a story about dire conditions at the local VA hospital.  The story described neglect and poor care.  I recall something about having to bribe orderlies to change bedpans.  Safe in my employer-based health plan then, I hoped I would never be so destitute that I would have to rely on VA for health care.

 
Twenty years later the VA  was running a much-improved health system that served me well beginning in 2003.  Imagine that.  Scheduling appointments can be challenging at times but for the most part, I'm satisfied with the care I receive from VA.  But then, I'm reasonably healthy and my health care needs have been minimal.   I have employer-based health coverage these days and see a private doctor for my routine health care but I also see a VA primary care physician once a year to keep current.  A friend who is a member of my VA doc's Quaker community tells me that my doc says his supervisor complains about him taking too much time with patients.  VA care can be a backstop but I hope never to need it again.

Working with veterans at Coffee Strong tells me that the VA experience is different if you need intense or extended service, especially for mental health problems.  I hear stories from stressed-out vets of long waits for and between appointments.  When they finally get an appointment the result is often drugs (usually added to what they are taking already).

I bring all this up as some context to the current VA scandal.  The VA has been a troubled organization in past decades as well as the most recent.  The current scandal is not exactly brand new; previous investigations raised red flags.  If Shinseki never saw them, he is clearly out of the loop, relying on senior administrators unwilling or afraid to speak truth.  If he did see the reports, he didn't take effective action or relied too heavily on subordinates whose concerns were more about themselves than the veterans they supposedly served.

The system is broken--at least for those who need it most--and it's nothing new.  Any student of organizational behavior and VA history can easily learn about the department's dysfunctional culture.  Apparently General Shinsheki missed that lesson along with the various warnings about problems.  As much as I admire him for his willingness to speak truth to CheneyBush about the number of troops needed to stabilize Iraq and his genuine compassion, I think he's unlikely to ever again have much credibility as VA secretary.
 

Who Could Have Guessed

...that war has consequences?

Linda Bilimes andJoseph Stiglitz included the lost opportunity for wounded veterans in their 2008 "Three Trillion Dollar War" estimate.  A year earlier, Ilona Meagher cogently described the traumatic effects of war on soldiers in Moving a Nation to Care.  Both works drew on an existing body of knowledge so the answer to my question is "many folks."  

None of this mattered to the neo-con "deciders" who took this country to war in 2003.

 Fuckers all.

The Long Cost of War

Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont, the Senate's only socialist and current chair of the Veterans Affairs Committee, speaks the truth about paying the ongoing costs of America's war's.

“If you can’t afford to take care of your veterans, then don’t go to war,” he told CNN’s Wolf Blitzer. “These people are bearing the brunt of what war is about. We have a moral obligation to support them.”

He agreed it wasn’t cheap but said the cost pales in comparison to the cost of war for veterans and families who have sacrificed so much. He then described the decision as a choice between veterans and the wealthy.

“If you happen to meet a veteran who is trying to get by on $28,000, $30,000, $35,000 a year and you notice that the teeth in his mouth are rotting I want you to go up to that veteran and have the courage, the honesty to tell him that you believe the United States of America does not have the money to take care of his needs,” Sanders said. “But explain to him why you may have voted for more than $100 billion in tax breaks for the wealthiest.”

When the War Is a Lie the Sacrifice Is a Waste

“It brings back a lot of anger. I feel like it’s been a big waste of time. It’s kind of like, why the hell did all my buddies die there for? There’s no purpose to it.” 
   -- A 30-year-old Marine staff sergeant who served tours in Fallujah and Ramadi

They believed CheneyBush's lies, served courageously and have every reason to see the chaos in Iraq and wonder why.  They thought they were serving their country and maybe even the Iraqis.  That was the Big Lie. The sergeant quoted above went to Iraq right out of boot camp with all the idealism of a newly minted young Marine who thought he was "...fighting evil in the world, in a place where people are being treated terrible and getting murdered and have zero rights.”  Today's Iraq is a long, long way from that utopia.

Some still believe the Lie.  James M. Dubik, a retired Army lieutenant general, asserts the US interest in defeating al-Qaeda in Iraq and throughout the Middle East as a national interest.  Of course, had the US wanted to keep al-Qaeda out of Iraq, we would not have removed Saddam Hussein from power.  Instead, we created exactly the ungovernable chaos in which al-Qaeda thrives.

How do you ask a man to die for a lie?

With a straight face and flag.

By the time the lie becomes apparent you can be quietly and comfortably retired.  The veterans will be anything but.

Warp Speed at the VA

One of my veteran clients just received a 70 percent disability award for a new claim I filed in September.  In three years representing veterans, this is the fastest award ever.  It's especially notable since the claim is for PTSD from Vietnam over 40 years ago.

An Honor

Coffee Strong held a party last Saturday to celebrate re-opening in its new location.  After four years of subsidizing  a money losing coffee business, the Coffee Strong board and volunteers changed the model from coffee house to GI/veteran resource center with full time staff.  The site moved to a larger but less expensive space next door to the old location, still within spitting distance of Joint Base Lewis-McChord.  Coffee Strong still serves coffee but that is now incidental to the mission:  opposing the wars and helping service members and veterans understand their options. 

Supporters and volunteers who assisted in the conversion were recognized as Plank Owners.  As I understand the term, a plank owner is a crew member of a ship at commissioning.  I was among those so recognized, with the certificate thereof, for which I am deeply honored.  Also grateful that I've had the opportunity to be part of Coffee Strong since its beginning in 2008 and for the past three years volunteering there as a veterans advocate.

My relationship with Lewis-McChord goes back to 1970, when it was Fort Lewis Army Base next to the adjacent McChord Air Force Base.  I did my infantry training at Fort Lewis from September to November, earning my 11 Bravo MOS before being sent to Vietnam in December.  I never knew about the GI coffee house in nearby Tacoma, The Shelter Half.  Being part of a similar movement for a new generation of service members is a source of great personal satisfaction..

Shameless plug:  Like most shoestring nonprofits, Coffee Strong is always in need of donations.  If you have some spare cash, you might consider slipping a few bucks their way.  

A Small But Welcome Improvement

The Department of Veterans Affairs has a long way to go before its performance in handling claims and appeals but I can point to one positive change.  As a veterans advocate, I am authorized to inquire on the status of clients' claims.  That means I can call the 1-800-827-1000 hotline which ultimately takes me to a VA clerk who tells me where a claim is in the process and the average time to process a claim.  Sometimes I learn that VA is still waiting for information but otherwise I can't do much with the information I get from the hotline but at least I can verify that the claim is still active in the system.

When I first started representing veterans, I'd call the 800 number and sit on hold for maybe 30 minutes before reaching that clerk.  The hold music was particularly enervating.  Then VA offered the opportunity for a scheduled time for a representative to call me but the times available were always days later and during work hours when I'm not available.  These days I call and end up in a queue for a call back in turn.

Not a big deal in the scheme of VA's responsibilities but it's made tracking claims more tolerable.  I can listen to my own music and do other things while I wait.

instant update:

Halfway through that last sentence VA called back and I inquired about two pending claims and two pending appeals.  One claim is just sitting in the queue for decision--has been since we submitted a pile of evidence in November--but the second has been decided in favor of the veteran whose rating was increased from 90 to 100 percent, retroactive to October 2010.  I haven't been notified because VA has always had the incorrect PO box number on the claim.

Of the two appeals, which can be infinitely long, one has moved to a review officer's desk after sitting in the queue for two years.  That's no guarantee of a speedy or favorable decision but it's the first actual sign of progress since I filed the appeal in March 2011.

Bottom line is I obtained some useful information and didn't have to sit on hold.  A small, welcome change.

A Vietnam Archive

Came across the story of Charlie Haughey, a Vietnam infantryman photographer who took many, many photographs of his unit in 1968-69 and is just now printing from scanned images of negatives never printed.  A show of Haughey's work opened in Portland this past Friday.

His photos show Vietnam as I remember it.  A bit different in some details from my own experience but close enough.  Even more than simply bringing back memories, Haughey's images highlight much of the war's little known detail.
 
This guy looks barely old enough to be a soldier, much less one humping that big, heavy machine gun and looking at the world with those steely eyes. But the jungle was indeed that green.

 This photo is my favorite, a nice composition of chaos and strength--the strength of the Chinook hoisting that Huey and the chaos of all that chaff flying in the Chinook's rotor wash.   Nice composition and black and white exposure. 

Haughey's website has lots more.  It's worth checking out.  The story of the collaboration that brought these prints to light is worth reading as well.

Thank You for Your Service.

No thanks.

Aftermath

Timothy Kudo killed people in Afghanistan.  He said so in the Washington Post.  As a Marine lieutenant, he didn't personally administer the lethal force but he was part of the machinery.  He gave the orders.  His thoughts as a veteran:

I can say that the ethical damage of war may be worse than the physical injuries we sustain. To properly wage war, you have to recalibrate your moral compass. Once you return from the battlefield, it is difficult or impossible to repair it.

[...]

I didn’t return from Afghanistan as the same person. My personality is the same, or at least close enough, but I’m no longer the “good” person I once thought I was. There’s nothing that can change that; it’s impossible to forget what happened, and the only people who can forgive me are dead.  

I will never know whether my actions in Afghanistan were right or wrong. On good days, I believe they were necessary. But instead, I want to believe that killing, even in war, is wrong.

[...]

Civilians can comprehend the casualties of war because most people know someone who has died. But few know someone who has killed. ...The question “Did you kill anyone?” isn’t easy to answer — and it’s certainly not one every veteran wants to. But when civilians ask, I think I have a duty to respond.

And if explaining what I did 6,000 miles away in a conflict far from the public’s consciousness makes the next war less likely, then maybe my actions weren’t in vain.

Combat leaves an indelible mark on the human spirit.  That mark may vary but it is real and always present.

Living with Death

Trolling through earlier posts looking for one that I wrote but don't exactly remember when, I came across a post about the consciousness of death that stays with the combat veteran.  It's worth repeating:

All luck. Sheer luck. As a kid in the 50's I used to wonder how our fathers had survived the hail of lead and shrapnel that was my image of World War II. I found out when I saw combat on my own. It wasn’t the murderous thunder that I had imagined but rather the random explosion of periodic violence that fortuitously never injured me. But in between was the potential, the always lurking threat, not just from a determined foe but also from my buddies and even myself.  I’m lucky to be alive; 58,000 of my comrades aren’t.

The randomness of death and injury in combat has stayed with me since Vietnam. Shit happens. I saw it. Somehow I survived it. It’s still there, waiting to happen. Just ask anyone who was anywhere near the Pentagon and World Trade Center on September 11, 2001 or in the Murrah Federal Building on April 19, 1995 or any parent of a murdered child. Perhaps the risks are less in civilian life but I know that I am never totally safe. In that respect I am still on patrol, hoping nothing will happen but entirely aware of the potential.

After combat, nothing can ever be a complete surprise.  After combat, the veteran knows that the worst is always possible, a consciousness that is never lost. 

Armistice Day

The day Americans celebrate as Veterans Day was originally Armistice Day, a day to commemorate the end of The Great War in 1918.  On November 11 I prefer to think of ending war so the original name has great appeal to me.

On this day then, I remember that the one thing every combatant seeks more than anything else is peace.  I look forward to the day when the world will have no veterans of war, only the memory of their sacrifices during those unenlightened times when we did not know how to make peace.

For now, though, we have plenty of war veterans, living and dead.  It is right and proper that we remember them and their sacrifices.  One veteran who died this year was (and remains) among my great heroes:  George McGovern who flew 35 missions as a bomber pilot in World War II and spent many of the years since then speaking against war.  He spoke the truth when he said, "I'm sick and tired of old men dreaming up wars in which young men do the dying."

Armistice Day, a day to remember that peace is possible if we stop thinking that war is an acceptable option.

Peace out!

Those Terrible Veterans

Veterans For Peace Chapter 92 was rejected for marching in the Auburn, Washington Veterans Day parade.  Now a federal judge has ordered the city to allow VFP to march.  

Apparently veterans advocating peace bring the wrong message.  As the city attorney described it,

the city was thanking veterans for their contributions and for “defending freedoms around the world,” and that the VFP’s anti-war message, peace flags and reminders of the human and financial tolls of conflict were antithetical to that message.

That's right folks, reminders of the human and financial tolls of conflict are not a welcome thought on Veterans Day.  Fortunately, the judge saw right through that bullshit:

Judge Pechman said it would be a stretch to somehow arrive at the conclusion that the VFP’s message that “peace is a good thing” is somehow dishonoring veterans. She ordered the city to ensure that the group’s placement in the parade is “in keeping” with its members’ status as veterans.

Ignoring the cost of war makes it all too easy to think of war as an option. 

Word Games

Military leaders and psychiatrists are debating whether to change post traumatic stress from a disorder to an injury. Their hope is that fewer soldiers will feel stigmatized by acknowledging post traumatic stress from combat and will seek treatment. Less stigma, more treatment is good but it begs the larger question: why are these service members exposed to this trauma?

The final graf of the linked article says it best:

If the Army really wanted to protect soldiers, it would limit the number of tours that troops are permitted to do in Afghanistan, Bessel van der Kolk, a professor of psychiatry at Boston University said. Medical studies have suggested that a soldier’s resilience is depleted with each battlefield tour. “As long as you have repeated deployments, you will have devastating effects on people,” he said.